Is honesty always best?

Welcome to another corporate forced break! i am blogging to myself to figure out something.

When i was younger i was never told the truth. I didn't know why my parents got a divorce, I didn't know when my great grandparents were going to die. I didn't know why my Aunt Susan died. I didn't know my Aunt had an abortion (still maybe not true). I didn't know my mom had an abortion (she was dieing). I would have a brother, around 29 or 30 i believe. All i knew was the "nice truth" i could call it. Great grandma's sick, Aunt Susan was in an accident, me and dad just don't get along, nothing about the brother.
When i found stuff out as i got older i was pissed. Why didn't i know when my great grandparents were dying. Why didn't someone tell me! Why did no one tell me that my Aunt was SHOT in a gang, drug related deal? My Mom almost died!
I blamed my mother for the divorce for the longest until by mistake one of my dad's 18 year old girlfriends ran up to him at walmart and was kissing on him and then a 9 year old steps out of the truck! Then mom had to tell me the truth and i felt awful because i blamed her!
Why wasn't i told the truth?
But on the flip side, now I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! I don't want to know that my family is breaking DOWN. That every one of my Aunts have cried (they don't cry) my Uncle everyone is going nuts! I don't want to know that my grandpa, the man that when you were with him everything stopped, time stood still, and the only thing that mattered is what you and him were doing at that particular moment is going to die. I don't want to hear "your grandpa had an episode last night" "hospice is coming in" i don't want to know. But i do want to know. I don't know what i want to know! I haven't really lost anyone besides my dog that i was attached to so much.
SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO KNOW ANYMORE!
I think it would be easier to know grandpa is sick, he isn't feeling good. He will be sleeping through most of thanksgiving but he still wants everyone over to be with him when he's awake.

Instead of.........This is your grandpa's last holiday. He isn't going to make it to Christmas, even though his eyes are closed hearing is the last thing that you lose when you die. He wants us there so he can hear us. He probably won't talk or be able to open his eyes but he can hear us.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

But i don't want to be blind sided! So there it is blog, my online journal. I wish i could be like Tab, she doesn't have this type of emotion. I didn't know her grandpa was dieing, but she new all of the stuff that i know now and it didn't bother her. She didn't tell me. I don't know how to not worry about stuff like her. When i try to talk about it i feel bad because i am making her listen to something that she doesn't show emotion about so i feel that i am bothering her.
NEWAY
Breaks over, i feel kind of relived, but still confused. I will spend thanksgiving with my grandpa and talk to him all day. It's about him. It doesn't' matter how i feel, i will be there to support him and my family.