Only Me

Well, it's new years eve. I WANT TO GET SO TORE UP!!! I went to my first weight watchers meeting last night. A lot of older people there except for one girl. Interesting thing that happened....I lost my wallet. Not a man wallet an overstuffed checkbook with my life in it. Now lost or stolen i am undecided. I have decided that i had to have left it on the table with all the "newbies". I went with my neighbor and she's been going for awhile so we left out the side door. And when i realized it was gone, I flew back across town doing about 80. With no license probably not smart was not thinking. Not there. Went back after everyone had left still not there so it's gone but my money is now secure. Doesn't seem that any is missing. And my credit cards are locked so it's cool just going to be a hassle. My problem now is i have to find my social security card and i PRAY that IT wasn't in my wallet. NEWay, I have no idea why this had to happen to me. Everything happens for a reason. But i can't figure this one out.
?????????????????????????????????????????

Well maybe now i will be the brand new owner of a condo in Mexico, a couple cars, maybe another house, who knows!

It's almost here/ NEW DIET

New Year is almost here. I have been shoving every single bit of food in my mouth i love before the new year. I am starting WEIGHT WATCHERS this new year. Well technically going tonight. I always thought weight watchers was for like old people but hopefully not. I don't look at myself as old even though my life is like old. But it happens, mine just happened a little sooner. But I will lose weight! I am going to Florida in June and i don't want the coast guard called in to get the beached whale off the beach. So.......with that said HERE WE GO!

I spelled weight correctly. I did not spell weird correctly in a previous post. What happened to I before E except after C???

New Years Eve

I wish that on New Year's Eve everything was wiped clean and you didn't have to work so hard on it to make it happen. It's possible but it is VERY HARD. It's hard to let go of the past. 2000 was the best New Years Eve EVER. I was ready to let go of everything and everyone in my past. I lost a lot of friends, but those of them who were my true friends should have understood. I spent the last night of '00 drunk as..there is no comparing to anything on how drunk i was. I also spent a lot of the night holding Tab's head out of the trash can which was hilarious at the time. But the best part was that in 2001 my life really did start over. No more drugs, no more engagement (the biggest screw up ever almost), Tab moved in with me the second week of 2001. It took me till valentines day to have her heart. Then I automatically became a mom. Bought a ring in Mexico in May came back home and asked Tab to go steady and make me her only one and i would do the same. That was surprisingly easy. (ON A FERRIS WHEEL ON THE VERY TOP) Started my Senior Year which i only went half the day which was AWESOME. And moved out of my moms house.

That was a life changing NEW YEAR!

And one i have been haunted by ever since........JUST KIDDING!

Which this has made me realize that this coming up Valentines day is eight years not 9 years. OOOPPPSSS. I think.

Music to me

I was checking up on my My Space page and i noticed that i haven't uploaded any new music in awhile. I have been slackin. But i looked through the songs and realized that all the songs I listen to i put into categories. I have my, breathe, dance, feel good, pissed, and songs that i would sing. And by sing I mean the ONLY songs that i would probably ever get drunk enough to sing in public. Also in all the songs there is at least one line that is me. Or reminds me of something. I may not be out of the norm on this issue but i don't listen to music just because the crowd thinks it's cool. Like Chicken noodle soup!??? HELLO!!! WTF??? Tyler came in singing that once and hell i got a can of soup thinkin he was singing what he wanted for supper, with a soda on the side. That was a couple years ago i think. Now there is some other song that i can't even think of that i am just like....??????? It's almost like people have ran out of stuff to sing about so its getting ridiculous. But through all the mess you can find good songs just not all the time on the radio which i am learning that now. All these years I always listened to songs on the radio never realizing what was out there. Here are some examples of songs i like that i have never heard on the radio.

Breathe Songs
Thrice- Red Sky
Sick Puppies- All the Same
Stabbing Westward- Wat do I have to do

Dance
MGMT- Electric Feel (LOVE THIS SONG!!)I could tear someone up on the dance floor!!
Inner Party System- Don't Stop
I now here the Veronica's Untouched, but i new that would be on the radio eventually

Feel Good
The Verve- Love is noise
Say Anything- Alive with the Glory of Love ( that'll make you smile)
MGMT- Time to Pretend
Kerli- Walking on Air ( AWESOME, AWESOME, SONG!! Love the music!
AND OF COURSE RUBY RUBY RUBY RUBY!!!! Kaiser Chiefs (i think that was on the radio once)

Listen to these songs, they are good songs i think.

For those interested i would prob get drunk enough to sing, All the Same, Fall for You, and Wonderwall.

Tornadoes

Today we are suppose to get tornadoes. TORNADOES. For those of you who don't realize how wierd that is....god bless you. It's like Christmas! Where's the snow? WHERE THE HELL IS MY SNOW!! I don't want to make a "Hail Man" I want to make a Snow Man. This is to wierd!

No more diet

Acai Berry is a scam. It doesn't work, never did work and probably will never work. I think i would be better off just not eating. So for the diet followers, DON'T DO IT!!!
Take the money you spend and join an Eaters Annonomous group.

"Hello, my name is Jenny and i am an over-eater. I cook like a chef and love my food so naturally i eat it all. Like all real chef's I taste as I cook but I haven't mastered the serve the food instead of eat the food. I am here today to admit that I have an eating problem. I have had it for at least 24 years. I am skipping the year i didn't eat. I am here to make peace with my stomach and my mouth. THANK YOU"

Step 1 complete!

I thought i was unlucky!!!

This is the funniest story I think I have read! I could imagine this happening to me, that is why i will never try. But read this and laugh out loud. I did!!I have no idea who wrote this but.........LMAO!!!!!


Hair Removal...



(I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but....WHAT A RIOT!)



All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on.........



My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:



'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.



It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.



No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)



So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.



('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!



OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.



With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it *was* a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!



I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!



Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.



Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.



I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip. There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???



Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.



I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.



Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!



I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?



Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*



I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.



Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.



So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!



I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'



There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'



She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.



YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.



While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!



By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.



My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!



The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!! It works !!'



I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!



So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.


Next week I'm going to try hair color...

Bye Grandpa

My grandpa died yesterday afternoon. I watched. It was scary and peaceful and just crazy all at the same time. I cried more when i lost my dog then when he died. But i think the difference was Molly was all the sudden and couldn't tell me what was wrong and i was helpless. Grandpa had a nurse and morphine. I know that i need to cry and have a nervous breakdown but i can't. I thought when i took a shower last night i would let it all out but nothing. I think that i am in some sort of shock. But then why do people get so upset when people die? If it's true and there is something better coming then people should be happy. I did cry a little when i told my dad. My parents have been divorced for 17 years i think, but dad was really close to grandpa. I told him he died when he died. Then i called later to tell him the arrangements, and right before he hung up i said i love you like always and instead of him mumbling i love you (he never says those words) he said, well i don't know but he was crying. And he hung up and i was like...WHAT THE HELL! HE DOESN'T CRY! But anyway no more boring you.....

Our lovely President

This one is kinda funny.....
For those of you who have not seen it. You Tube the President getting shoes thrown at him. He kept his cool suprisingly well. I would have thrown my shoes back at him!
And what's up with the secret service, the guy threw a shoe then had time to take the other one off and throw that as well and security slowly approached him. It's horrible but funny all at the same time.

I went through a stage when i wanted to throw my Doc Martins at someone. They were heavy! But i never did. Just wanted to do like a drive by shoeing but i wouldn't get my shoe back. I did however throw my flip flop at a couple of people for the hell of it.

death

I have learned a lot about death over the weekend. I've seen it happening in it's slow and gruelling process. Not allowing a person to eat or drink for 6 days now. Watching the pains while the body shuts down. Seeing the blank stares and confusion. Looking into the eyes and one moment seeing emptiness then the person realizing that the emptiness is overtaking them then the emptiness is replaced with fear. I can see the actual heart beating in the chest. It did have a rapid beating, then like it was wore out would almost stop, then the will to live and the heart beat again. Now it struggles to get through one beat but that stubborn will pushes it to beat. I have seen a giant man be broken down to nothing but bone. I watched the strongest man alive cringe in horror when he was lifted up in the air for only a second to change a sheet. I have also learned the breathing of one who is dying. "fish out of water" is when you have minutes. Then the body will let out almost like a sigh then no more. That's what they told us. I haven't seen that yet, don't know if i do. But strangely enough in all the mixed emotions, sad, depressed, loss, and all those that come in death, I am horrified to say that I'm almost interested. It's almost like dying poetry. The way the body moves and comes in and out and "talking" to people that aren't in the room and have been dead for 30 years. Just the ins and outs and up and downs. My family is so tight yet i thought there was going to be a cage match over an obituary in the next room were the dying laid. HELLO! It's odd how everyone is supporting but at the same time wanted to rip each others heads off. It's odd how everyone is secretly wishing and hoping that he will take his last breath and leave to where ever and stop suffering but no one says it. I asked a question that if God was a just God then why is Grandpa still suffering? I asked this not only to a Mon-Senior (higher then a Catholic Priest, can't spell) but to my great Uncle, and my grandpa's brother. And he said "faith." ??????????? Okay. Faith, well that's a whole other subject! "God's not ready for him." HUH???

But NE WAY,
Poetry in the dying. But i have never wanted someone to let go like that besides my dog. And i told her over and over again to let go.

GRANDPA LET GO!

On a good note i am still making everyone smile and laugh just cause that's who i am. But the funniest thing is when my Uncle, the higher then a Catholic Priest said that he was getting pissy and needed a beer. The look on my cousin and on Tabatha's face was the funniest face ever! It's not every day you hear that.

Till next time

pot should be legal

Reason #1 Pain, pot gets rid of pain.
(personal proof... I have sacrowiliac joint disfunction, back pops out of place and one leg is longer then other, and i can smoke a joint and lay in the floor and pop my back in place by myself without the 30 days physical theropy)

Reason #2 STRESS
(personal proof, if i could just have 1 joint right now i would relax and feel SO MUCH BETTER)

There are alot more reasons......Will get to those soon!


( ONLY FOR THOSE OF US WITH NON-ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY'S)

AAAGGGHHH

ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS..................
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fu** ME RUNNIN UP THE POLE AND ACROSS THE TELEPHONE WIRES!!!!!!!!!!!



STRESS MUCH???????????????????????

Maybe i should be different..

Goodness, i am not in a great mood. I got soaked this morning, spilt my coffee all in my keyboard at work which fried that, tired of fixing men's stuff. Just an all around crappy day!

Which has me in a an very odd different place.

Maybe i should be in this sort of mood all the time.

I am angry, slow, not caring, don't give a crap about anyone, would put myself first, not in a helpful mood at all. Maybe if i stayed this way then i wouldn't care about people and making those around me happy. Maybe people would like me better if i wasn't so caring.

I bet i wouldn't get hurt all the time......


Instead of Peace i would like to say..... KISS MY ASS!!!

E-BAY

I'm a WINNER!!
I won something on ebay! I think ebay is so fun! Tab wanted to get little man a $70, yes $70 pair of SHOES! I don't think so... I don't even spend that much on mine! So i went on ebay and by goergey got a pair for $22. I always get nervous though, cause you never now really what your gonna get. But if it all works out then I saved almost 50 bucks!
If i new that everything was completely fine and no scams on ebay i would never go to a mall again! To bad you really can't trust it.

OMG FINALLY FINISHED

This weekend has been pretty good but BUSY!!!!
I am suppose to be doing my dad's taxes, well getting started i am only almost a year behind! But instead i am on here blogging and listening to music. Well downloading music. Playing now is All time low Umbrella my favorite version beside the one my friend sung.
NE WAY--
I have worked now 7 days this week!
I have also spent a GRAND TOTAL OF .............9 Hours decorating the outside of my house for Christmas.
Why????
I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!
( playing now, Framing Henley "Lollipop" also my Favorite version!)

Well that's all i have to say.
Tab's on vacation this week....BIT, no i don't call her that, ever.
But that's okay she needs a break, she works to hard! I can't wait till i have all my money and she doesn't have to work anymore.

Peace!
(now playing Franz Ferdinand "Ulysses")

WOW I HIT SPELL CHECK AND I SPELLED EVERYTHING CORRECT! HOLY S*&%

What CD would you want to take???

This morning was a good morning. It's Friday and payday so everyone was happy. A conversation broke out, have no idea who started it, but a question was sorta asked if you were on the island ect... what cd would you want? It also progressed to food and women but that's not important. I heard a few "Hank Williams" a Tim McGraw and "the best of the 80's" and some stupid answers some serious, guys....

But i was thinking about it and really i don't know. I LOVE MUSIC! I could never watch TV and just listen to music. All kinds but not new country. I found myself being able to narrow it down to 3. I think...
Blue October
Garbage
Or some sort of best of the Disco Era.

Cause really you want something peppy to keep you in a good mood and something you can sing and dance to.
Blue October...Foiled, I'm not sure, but it has one song on it that fits me to a T!
Garbage.. the one with "I'm only happy when it rains" cause that's a good one can't remember the album.
And i love disco so any would do really.

The best thing would be to burn a CD to take. That would take a minute to decide the last songs you'll ever hear.

SCALES LIE!

I do not believe my scale at all. I am almost positive it has its own mind, and is toying with my emotions not realizing how easy it could be for me to pick the bastard up and throw it.

I still have lost no weight.

But to my point that scales lie, a friend of mine at work who hasn't seen me since I've started this Acia deal commented me on how i have lost weight.
"oh, girl i can tell you've lost weight in your face! i guess it's time to join the band wagon with you!"

I of course said thank you to the compliment, but told her to hold off until i figure out where the weight is going. I think it may be falling off my face to my ass if that's possible.

So i dunno, but i WILL start exercising!
I WILL, I WILL, I WILL,!

Proud MOMMA

I am so proud of Tyler. I have been pretty sick all weekend. I have also felt alone. But Tyler came home Sunday and was the sweetest boy! He told me to stay on the couch and we could play a game. He asked me if i needed any water or anything. Just jumped right in there to take care of me. So after we went and got something to eat we played PlayStation until it was time for him to go to bed. I don't ever stop to see the "little" things that he has of me in him. Hopefully this is something that he will carry on to make someone very happy.

Acai berry doesn't stop sickness

* just a side note for anyone following the Acai berry thing, it doesn't stop sickness. It may have helped but i now have a cold or something. Of course, I have to go get my Christmas tree tomorrow and decorate my house with 100's of lights. But I am going to continue to take the Acai berry stuff till it's gone.
Stayed tuned!


I HATE BEING SICK!!!!! TAB HATES IT WHEN I'M SICK TOO!!! SHE DOESSN'T LIKE TAKING CARE OF ME, POOR BABY.


WANDA SYKES IS GAY!!!! YEA!!

Twiligt??

What in the hell is the deal with this twilight? My friend Carly was talking about it, and i just thought maybe it was some kind of "college" thing. But then my 50 year old Aunt asked me if i wanted to borrow her book and how good it was and ect.....

1st of all, i haven't heard anything about this, i know nothing of the world i don't guess.

(i do know Wanda Sykes is out and i love it! She's one of my Fav. comedians)

2cnd of all I don't read. The last books i read were Harry Potter. I got so obsessed with Harry Potter I actually have the whole 1st set of Lego's. I'm talkin the $75 castle and all. Built them, and had them on display at the apartment.

Before that i was interested in the Box Car children series in like 3rd grade.

My neighbor gets on me all the time for not reading because i don't "expand" my mind.

Yeah, whatever.

Instead of reading i have played out every scenario of my life if i made this decision or if i killed this person, or I don't know just off the wall shit. If i could write down the stories i tell myself i would no doubt in my mind be a famous author.

But i can't remember what i play out to write it down.



Ne way,

I don't read. But i am kind of interested in the new "craze" but it'll die out soon. It always does. But by the time it dies out i'm sure i will be even more interested then.

Is honesty always best?

Welcome to another corporate forced break! i am blogging to myself to figure out something.

When i was younger i was never told the truth. I didn't know why my parents got a divorce, I didn't know when my great grandparents were going to die. I didn't know why my Aunt Susan died. I didn't know my Aunt had an abortion (still maybe not true). I didn't know my mom had an abortion (she was dieing). I would have a brother, around 29 or 30 i believe. All i knew was the "nice truth" i could call it. Great grandma's sick, Aunt Susan was in an accident, me and dad just don't get along, nothing about the brother.
When i found stuff out as i got older i was pissed. Why didn't i know when my great grandparents were dying. Why didn't someone tell me! Why did no one tell me that my Aunt was SHOT in a gang, drug related deal? My Mom almost died!
I blamed my mother for the divorce for the longest until by mistake one of my dad's 18 year old girlfriends ran up to him at walmart and was kissing on him and then a 9 year old steps out of the truck! Then mom had to tell me the truth and i felt awful because i blamed her!
Why wasn't i told the truth?
But on the flip side, now I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! I don't want to know that my family is breaking DOWN. That every one of my Aunts have cried (they don't cry) my Uncle everyone is going nuts! I don't want to know that my grandpa, the man that when you were with him everything stopped, time stood still, and the only thing that mattered is what you and him were doing at that particular moment is going to die. I don't want to hear "your grandpa had an episode last night" "hospice is coming in" i don't want to know. But i do want to know. I don't know what i want to know! I haven't really lost anyone besides my dog that i was attached to so much.
SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO KNOW ANYMORE!
I think it would be easier to know grandpa is sick, he isn't feeling good. He will be sleeping through most of thanksgiving but he still wants everyone over to be with him when he's awake.

Instead of.........This is your grandpa's last holiday. He isn't going to make it to Christmas, even though his eyes are closed hearing is the last thing that you lose when you die. He wants us there so he can hear us. He probably won't talk or be able to open his eyes but he can hear us.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

But i don't want to be blind sided! So there it is blog, my online journal. I wish i could be like Tab, she doesn't have this type of emotion. I didn't know her grandpa was dieing, but she new all of the stuff that i know now and it didn't bother her. She didn't tell me. I don't know how to not worry about stuff like her. When i try to talk about it i feel bad because i am making her listen to something that she doesn't show emotion about so i feel that i am bothering her.
NEWAY
Breaks over, i feel kind of relived, but still confused. I will spend thanksgiving with my grandpa and talk to him all day. It's about him. It doesn't' matter how i feel, i will be there to support him and my family.

MY NEW MOTTO ON LIFE!

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, whiskey in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO what a ride!"


(the word whiskey was originally chocolate, but i really don't eat very much chocolate, never have even as a child, and whiskey fits me WAY better!)

Day 17

I still haven't lost any weight. Really thinkin i should have spent my $30 bucks on the hat i saw in Spencer's that i wanted other then Acea berry nasty stuff! Oh well. I still feel great! I still haven't got sick, which is FANTASTIC! But for the way this crap taste it would have been nice to lose at least 5 pounds. I don't eat as much, but i still don't exercise. I just can't do it. I decide that i don't have time then sit on my fat ass and watch whatever comes on, or catch up to the shows i have on the DVR before i get an ear full that i am "hogging" up DVR space.
GOD FORBID MRS. THINGS SOAP DOESN'T RECORD! (one day tab pissed me off so i had a girl shut off the DVR right before the soap came on and she called and apologized.)
NEWAY OFF THE SUBJECT.........

I still have almost a whole bottle left so i am going to continue taking it till it's gone and see my finale decision.

Acea Diet still going strong

Just for the record i just wanted to update just in the small case that someone may find this interesting to know before they purchase this stuff.

I really haven't lost any weight. I haven't measured myself in awhile but i don't think that has changed either.

Positive side:
I no longer feel the need to have my energy drink every morning. I feel like i do have more gumption to do things so that's a plus.
I am not as hungry as i use to be. During supper i never get seconds anymore.
I feel good, I feel great!

HUGE THING.................
I have not gotten sick! Everyone and there freakin brother is sick at work. Just passin it on and i have not got it! (knock on wood!)
I get EVERYTHING! Because of my C.O.P.D., i am susceptible to any sort of cold bug and flu bug and it attaches straight to my lungs and the coughing starts.

Me and Tab are both doing this. We have now started doing 2 shots of the Acea berry juice. So hopefully that will make us lose weight.

On a side note we're not exercising. It looks as though i am going to have to get off my lazy rear and run on the treadmill and lift weights. I made a gym in my house with TV, and EVERYTHING and i never use it.

More if i lose the weight.

BTW it is DAY 13

House is still there

Well i woke up this morning. So the house didn't burn down.
Cool......

FIRE!

I built a fire! In the fireplace! And i am autually in another room! WOW! Usually i freak out! Scared i will burn the house down, but I'm cool. It's all like rainy and cold and thought it would be great to build a fire. And so I did, and I am proud. Now lets see if i burn down the house.

Day 4 of my diet

Well it's only day 4. Feels like it's been forever. Ugh weighed this morning and gained 1.4 lbs but i have an excuse! My grandpa is in really bad shape again, and so i splurged on my favorite MEXICAN FOOD and stuffed my face full of NACHOS. LOVE NACHOS. So no more of that.
That is all, no more Mexican food.

You know it's funny how everything i cherish has to go away when i diet. My food, my whiskey, i mean what's next???? SEX!? Which is few and far between enough as it is!

Well I'll see what happens in a few days.

* Chest has been bothering me.
Need to keep up with this crap somehow.

HAVE A GOOD ONE!

Day 1 of the nasty stuff

It's not really day one but lets pretend.


11/8/08

I weigh around 252 pounds.
And i wear a size 22 Jeans.


Note:: I have weighed around 250 ever since i quit drugs so i have actually maintained this weight rather well.

*** not really exercising quit yet but will start soon. Felling normal not GREAT. Not sick.
NO MORE WHISKEY DURING THE WEEK NIGHTS!!!!!!!!! OR ANY DRINKAGE AS FAR AS THAT GOES!!!!!

unless i have a HORRIBLE day. :)

Another Diet

This weekend i have started the aecia berry diet cleanse thing. I don't even know if i spelled that right. NE WAY I am not big on "fab" diets and ex specially on diet pills. All they do is speed you up. (after you've done lots of Meth, pills will just initially piss you off cause they don't last long enough and you just want Meth)
But this diet looks pretty safe. The berry is from the Brazilian Rain Forest, it helps your immune system, your heart, and your hunger and energy, (not to be confused with speed.) Basically make you feel better so in turn you do more, and lose weight. You also pair this with a cleanse type pill loaded with fiber and such, which has no bad effects like Alli, but stay tuned on the one. And a multi vitamin, i wasn't going to purchase but the guy talked Tab into buying it because she's so gullible, so i am taking it with her for now. So it's pretty natural i would think. But OMG the taste of the cupfuls of the berry concoction you have to take in the morning is the nastiest, drink i have EVER had! IT'S NOT FOR WEAK STOMACHS! But i am handling it quite well. I use the hold your nose technique followed by a glass of milk to make the aftertaste go away, followed by a lot of groaning, and dancing and jumping. But after that it's okay.. Tyler likes to watch me take it so he can laugh at me. Little shit! But i have to say the COOLEST thing happening is my pee, yes pee, is the brightest of yellow! I'm talkin NEON! I could pee stripes on a runway for planes to land. Apparently it's because i am not drinking enough water. I had plenty of whiskey Sat. night but not enough water. So i am working on that. But i thought it would be cool to kinda post whats going on, if i actually lose weight, gain weight or what not.
I am not really ashamed of my weight, i have always been big unless i was doing drugs so to me being big is being clean. But i need to get healthier. I need to take care of me and be able to live a healthy life. And i want to dance like i use to. So we will see what happens.

Now lets see what happens

Well Obama is President. HUH. That was one step, lets see if that is a good step for the LGTB community or not. I don't understand how African Americans, whom most voted for OBAMA could be "raciest" against gays? Makes no sense. With all the gay right laws that I have heard of not being passed. I find it liberating for African Americans to feel so overwhelmed with the new president. But i wonder if now African Americans realize that they have NO EXCUSE! NO MORE BECAUSE I AM BLACK I CAN'T HAVE THIS!!!! You can do anything you want, except get married if your same sex! I really don't need the label "married" seeing how to me that word in a word association game symbolizes divorce. I don't know of really anyone except my grandparents that haven't had a divorce. Hell i almost got married and probably divorced within a month. But I just want my belongings to go to the one person that i have been with for 8 FREAKIN long years. If we get a divorce, I want to have to give her half, even though i would probably give all because I would make damn sure she was taken care of along with my "step" son. Well that is all i have to say except that i REALLY REALLY hope that Nostradomis was wrong! If you have no idea what i am talking about look it up. It's kinda scary. I don't want to die in 2012.

Od'e to my little blue pen

I was wanting to write a list of things to get accomplished for the week and i could not find my blue pen! It's a nice pen, no words on it but it's fat like me. So my long fingers fit around it. So i looked everywhere for it and i finally found it. So i wrote a little diddly do for my pen....Stupid really but i have had a FANTASTIC SUNDAY!

Little blue pen,
where have you been?
On an adventure way above?
Or an adventure in love?
On a tour of the ground below?
Or a tour of your soul?
Where you kicked around, and attacked?
Chewed up like the cat food sack?
Where ever you have been,
I missed you little blue pen.


Ain't that CORNY!!!!

That's funny, the corn chips (Frito's) at Save A Lot are called "Cornies"
LOL!

Here's what i got

Gay is love....

In response to gay is not the way.......
I would like to know when God said it was ok to judge his children? God made me the way i am yet i have to hide do to the fear that i will be discovered and looked down upon. (Even though i really don't give a shit others do) Gay has nothing to do with anything! It's a word. What i am is in love! Love is a beutiful feeling! When you meet the right person, no-one, not even the closed minded ...people?...citizens?? can stop it!Our world is being taken over by the next generation. And rather you like it or not soon you will be the odd one out, but don't expect to be judged by us. We have to much love in our hearts to even dream about passing judgement. I can't speak for the hole LGTB community, but i can speak for me and my friends. If you pay close enough attention, being gay is excepted way more then you think!Open your eyes!
The 9th and 10th commandment basically states to love thy neighbor. So ask yourself.....aren't you sinning too?





So what do you thing? I really wish i could get a good opinion before i sound like an idiot. But they won't print it anyway. The Standard Democrat should be called the republican democrat.


If i could i would move tomorrow.

OUTRAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was posted in our local newspaper yesterday. The Standard Democrat. It just confirms to me more why i want to get the hell out of here. I wish i had a million friends to tie up the phone line to speakout and just give it hell but i am writing something now but i highly doubt they post it! I am trying to find the begining of this discussion.




SpeakOut 10-17
Friday, October 17, 2008
Call 471-6636

Gay is not the way
If the man in SpeakOut who said he was gay and thinks he was born that way, why did God destroy Soddom and Gomorrah - because that's where all the gays lived.

- - -

This is in response to the Gay by nature comment on Oct. 6. I'd just like to say to the person that is gay, is a professional person and a resident of Sikeston, like somehow this gives his view more clout than God's word. He says he is a Christian and goes to church regularly, and he says he was born this way. I would just ask him to read God's Word, what God's Word says about the abomination that homosexuality is. Why would he destroy Soddom and Gomorrah for their sin of homosexuality. Reflect on that. Do you think God would give you a gene that would make you in a way that He would condemn and burn you in hell for? I don't care how educated you are, no logical person could come up with an answer any other than this is not the way God made you. Your Clinton Administration, which everybody loves, in the 1990s he commissioned a search to break down the gene code. And he did, after millions of dollars and years of study. They were gonna find and prove to the world what this man is stating. Guess what? They did not find a gay gene. This is a lie that's been manufactured and perpetuated by the homosexual agenda. I'm tired of reading about people who think they are so educated that we have to take their assertions as fact when it is nothing but a bold-faced lie.

- - -

In the Oct. 6 SpeakOut, Gay by nature. First of all, to the gay college educated resident who is a professional, God could care less about your professionalism. You said you were a Christian. The world Christian means Christ-like. In the Bible there are many, many places that gay is not Christ-like. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. You might want to go back and read your Bible on that, Bud.

- - -

Oct. 6 SpeakOut, man says he was born gay. Sir, with all due respect, you weren't born gay - you chose to be gay. We all have the choice. Does God love gay people - yes. But God hates sins. We all have to come to the cross the same. None of us are born Christians either, we choose to be. You said someone didn't have the facts. If you are a professional, nature itself tells you homosexuality is wrong. The Bible tells us it's an abomination for men to lie with animals or men with other men. It doesn't matter what you think. It doesn't matter what I think. It matters what sayeth the Lord. Nobody is judging you. I do have the facts - God judges all of us. What goes around does come around. That's one statement you had right. It's good that you have a college education though!

cats

Okay, i know we all see the same o' same o' when it comes to cats.
I have 2 cats. Well one is not mine and the other i bottle fed and raised her because all the other kittens died. I am not really a cat person due to the hair but i wouldn't trade my cats for the world.
NE Way

This cat does the coolest thing i have ever seen a cat do! It's 50 seconds in.
Top that!

This is HILARIOUS!!

Plans have sort of changed

Well now the party van is heading to Poblar Bluff to meet Ms. Missouri.
Well technically soon to be crowned Ms. Missouri from what i gather.
So Poblar Bluff get ready! My mother may be joining the band wagon (WOW!) She never goes anywhere with us. But i will believe that when i see it. BUT HEY HEY I AM READY TO DANCE!


**A promise to my woman.
Baby i promise that if any girl starts dancing with me like at the I.P. i will push her away!

But damn woman it's just a dance.

Going Great

Well everything is going real good for Tabs birthday. We may no longer be together afterwards but hey you only live once and i can always find someone else. Just kidding, can't find no one as bitchy as her, just kidding, no really no just kidding. No really she's the love of my life, just kidding, no really just kidding. (SNL skit was hilarious.) NE Way so far i have at least 10 people on the band wagon to the bar and it's going to be hilarious. My Aunt is going to a drag show with us. To funny! But we are going to the MR. and Ms. Missouri Spooktacular contest. So we shall see what happens to the birthday girl. She has already told me if i do anything to draw attention to her she will kill me but...................that's just not my style!

I extend the invitation out to ANYONE who wants to go. Go to the Mr. and Ms. Spooktacular Contest and look for a bunch of ladies (only 2 being gay) and have a drink with us!

Goodness Grief

I have every big wig in the cable world in the office building today. Thank god i have my own office that i can shut everyone out of. People are all freakin out and for what? They all shit the same way i do so WTF! I hope they wonder in my office. Man i have a party goin on in here. I am always jammin to my alternative music and singin and dancin.
And here lately I've been writing.
Shit keeps poppin in my head so i write it down. I am cursed with a nac for writing. But i don't like putting it on the internet cause last time i did that these people wanted to publish it and that was a freakin MESS! So no thank you! I am deff. not going there again! I want to write a song, i have half of it done but i am so stuck! That's one reason i call my ability a curse because i hate writers block. So i dunno.
It's a wonderful day outside. It's cool and cloudy kind of rainy. LOVE IT!

Talking about my curse to write, i got kind of tipsy and wrote about the death of my dog on a blog on my My Space page and i got smacked last night for it.
My cousin read it and she said she had to tear up. Which is hilarious cause i haven't ever seen her cry. But she lost a dog she had for 12 years and she grew up with her like i did Molly. Her name was Pig. I just think that's funny.

I haven't gotten Molly's ashes back yet. It's been a month and a week. Which in a way i am relieved because i don't know how i will handle having to go get her. I don't know, kind of weird but i couldn't bury her and let the bugs eat her. How awful!

My break is over so.................................PEACE

drums

I am going to learn how to play drums technically through you tube. i now understand a paradiddle and i can do a drum roll. A REAL DRUM ROLL, THE CORRECT WAY. HA HA!
So proud of myself.
It is really easy, but now i am wondering if it's worth the 15 bucks a lesson that we are paying to have little man learn the drums.

I don't like texting anymore

I am done with texting unless someone texts me first. Then i will text them back if i feel like it. Texting is hard for me. I can't spell so normally i have to delete whole sentences because i can't watch what i am doing on the screen because i have to find the letters then i look up and it's like .....h bn cn gehmv. (unscramble that if you can!) So it usually takes me a second or two unlike some people i text to are sending me like 3 messages to my 1. And responses. It seems that every time i am waiting for a response it never comes. EVER. and when i am not expecting a response a flurry of text's come in and it's a continuous conversation. I have a friend that i just call her because she just keeps on and on and on so I call and i'm like "Tracey! i am only allowed 200 messages a month and you've sent me 50 to my 5."
So W.W.W. it's over, no more texting.
I like to talk on the phone because..........you can here the tone of there voice. And it makes it easier to tell different aspects of the convo.
So that's my blog probably for the day.
I may quit blogging the only one that pays attention is my woman and i see her ass everyday.
EVERY DAY!!!!!!!
J/k
A shout out to my woman, I love you and your not getting that $300 digital camera for your birthday! I wanted to go to Springfield and beg to have our DD again, even pay her to take us out to rehatch the funnest night in our relationship but i don't know if that is possible. But i promise to give it my all to give you a happy birthday like i have every year. I am sorry to disappoint.

831!

Frustrated

I suck, let me tell you why........I can't figure out shit on this blog deal. And like it freakin matters no one reads it anyways so really it is a lost cause. But it's a release. I can't figure out how to put pictures and stuff in the middle like other people but i can tear my moms computer down to scratch and bring it up brand new. Not hard really........F10, it cost me 60 bucks one year to learn F10. But i can't figure out how to put crap on here.

On a good note, i have sorta taught myself how to play my new favorite song on the drums. Its fun to play along. It Kreesha Turner Don't call me baby. I wish that song was around about 9 years ago it would have been perfect for me.

Well I am still very board. No one will be home till 3 am so i am just going to search around on the internet until whenever.

Finally

Well, i finally have the house to myself!
I love everyone in my house hold but i haven't had a kid rest in a while. My boy is at a friends house and my WOMAN is at work. I wish i could go to a club but there isn't any around her and i would be so freakin grounded i would never be able to quit doing house chores. I really have nothing to say, i tried to call a friend of mine but she never answers her phone. :) So since i don't have her to talk to and discuss what has been going on i have made other plans. I am going to make me a drink, and play the hell out of the drums. Just bang all my thoughts away. I am really starting to shock myself on how good i am doing. If i could learn how to read music then i would be in good shape. It's a little different then the piano. There is no middle C. So goodnight and have a blast!

my myspace

To W.W.W.

Just so you know my WOMAN does most of the design on my myspace page. God love her. I do the music.
"I would have picked something other then glamorous, honestly i had the cardinals background."

my lady

Dear W.W.W.

i have been informed by my lady that i can not call her my lady because it sounds like my old lady. God forbid she will be 2* and she thinks she's old. There are many other names i could call her. We call each other baby. Why or when that started i have no idea but if i hear Jenny i know i am in trouble, the same vise versa with her. So i have to think of something else to call her. I will call her my woman. she is woman, she is WOMAN! So from now on she is my woman though technically until we are married she is not legally mine. But until some idiots pull there heads out of there ass that won't happen. But one day we will hopefully.
So it's settled, my woman, i will call you my woman.
By the way if you know how old i am add 4 years and you get her age.

good night W.W.W.

OMG is this day going to be over?

Okay W.W.W.
Could you please make this day get over with!
Not been a good one. I am so freakin bored!
I really don't feel like doing anything that pertains to work.
This has been a day filled with wonderfully ODD bits and pieces of information about my family.
1. My cousin (whom i was very close with when i was younger) is going to the federal pen for 18 to 20 years. Wasn't even a federal offense. 3.5 grams of coke. And why he didn't swallow it is beyond me. DUH!
2. My 14 year old cousin who has tried to be like me in so many ways is now telling me she has "messed around" with another girl. Well i don't know, she likes to lie but i don't know. I above anybody have absolutly no problem with that at all. But man it's hard being gay or bi in highschool in a small town. Shit i still can't walk through wal-mart holding my girls hand. Which has more to do with her them me. Well everything to do with her. But that's another blog.
3. There is yet someone else out there who thinks i am crazy, but hey man that just Jenny. Crazy, friendly, somethimes to friendly is what my lady says, but that the Jennyness in me!

Get to go home in 45 minutes and have a well deserved beverage and hitting my couch!
Maybe grill out i don't know, i have to please the lady tonight but tomorrow the night is mine!
I can play rock band or the hell the real drums all night long if i want!

Eyes tell on you

Well W.W.W another corperate break so i will write.
I would like to discuss my ability to read people's lives through there eye's. I have been givin this gift and us it wisely of course. That's how i got my lady.
We worked together. She wouldn't be my friend because she thought i was a "crazy bit**". And i came across very strong. Little did she now that someone there owed me drugs for the 200 bucks i gave and tried to dissappear so yeah i called work around 20 times. I WAS PISSED. NE Way beside the point (btw i am clean now).
Back to the eye thing. Everday i worked with my lady i could see the little bit she made eye contact with me she was screaming for someone to help her! She was stuck in a situation that she couldn't get out of ect.....won't discuss that. But it wasn't her mouth that told me, her mouth lied but her eyes didn't. And plus there was something about her eyes that i could NOT get out of my head! They were a color i've never seen! And wow how they told the truth on her! Then i discovered hey i love her then 8 years later here we are!
I have another friend now that is married with to many kids to count. And while her mouth says "oh well it's okay he goes here and there and leaves me with the kids 24/7 with no time for myself."My goodness when i see her eyes i want to beat her husbands ass. But here is where the "use my gift wisely comes in." I haven't said anyting, even though it's hard, but that's to much for me to help!
I have another friend whose eyes were a little harder to see through, but i got her, and she was easy to take me in as a friend. My crazyness didn't bother her at all, but she says she's wierd and our wierdness fits. Her eyes were screaming at one point but she was a little different all i did was listen and she did the rest herself. I was so proud! I just helped her move to the coolest city on earth! Shout out to my Phylly!
I love people's eyes, i can also tell when someone is lying. I don't always say "that's a lie" to there face but i know. My poor 10 year old can't get away with anything bless his heart, i see write through his eye's! God love em.
But that's all i want to say about eyes. You can meet the seemingly happiest person in the world but look into there eyes and see if they really are the happiest person in the world.

I wonder if i could read someone who was blind?

Well break is done. This is kind of fun writing to no one. Kind of neat.

Bad supervision by idiots

I am now forced at work to take 2 15 minute breaks. Obviously told to by someone who has never stepped foot into what i do. It is just about impossible to take a break when you have at least 10 things to get done before you have to go to lunch. Which brings up a very good point.

How can big wig companies hire in at the top? Someone who has never started from the bottom and had to bleed to get recognized to be promoted? Then they want to push all these rules and follow this procedure and that and make up all these different things when they have never had to follow any procedure that they are dishing out? They have never even seen a policy in play.

I think that companies should always try to promote someone first, before they hire in.
That 's what i think anyway.

Now I leave it to the W.W.W. to decide...........what do you think??

Trying something new

Hello. I just thought i would try something new. Technology seems to be passing me when there was a time that i new everything. It's crazy to realize that my 12 year old cousin knows more about the internet then i do. What's even sadder is soon my 10 year old will surpass me. So, i am not good at keeping up with this sort of thing. But i shall try. My myspace page is kept up by my lady so we shall see what happens with this. I would love to start off with the greatest saying i have ever heard. "People who judge don't matter, People who matter don't judge"