Bye Grandpa

My grandpa died yesterday afternoon. I watched. It was scary and peaceful and just crazy all at the same time. I cried more when i lost my dog then when he died. But i think the difference was Molly was all the sudden and couldn't tell me what was wrong and i was helpless. Grandpa had a nurse and morphine. I know that i need to cry and have a nervous breakdown but i can't. I thought when i took a shower last night i would let it all out but nothing. I think that i am in some sort of shock. But then why do people get so upset when people die? If it's true and there is something better coming then people should be happy. I did cry a little when i told my dad. My parents have been divorced for 17 years i think, but dad was really close to grandpa. I told him he died when he died. Then i called later to tell him the arrangements, and right before he hung up i said i love you like always and instead of him mumbling i love you (he never says those words) he said, well i don't know but he was crying. And he hung up and i was like...WHAT THE HELL! HE DOESN'T CRY! But anyway no more boring you.....