death

I have learned a lot about death over the weekend. I've seen it happening in it's slow and gruelling process. Not allowing a person to eat or drink for 6 days now. Watching the pains while the body shuts down. Seeing the blank stares and confusion. Looking into the eyes and one moment seeing emptiness then the person realizing that the emptiness is overtaking them then the emptiness is replaced with fear. I can see the actual heart beating in the chest. It did have a rapid beating, then like it was wore out would almost stop, then the will to live and the heart beat again. Now it struggles to get through one beat but that stubborn will pushes it to beat. I have seen a giant man be broken down to nothing but bone. I watched the strongest man alive cringe in horror when he was lifted up in the air for only a second to change a sheet. I have also learned the breathing of one who is dying. "fish out of water" is when you have minutes. Then the body will let out almost like a sigh then no more. That's what they told us. I haven't seen that yet, don't know if i do. But strangely enough in all the mixed emotions, sad, depressed, loss, and all those that come in death, I am horrified to say that I'm almost interested. It's almost like dying poetry. The way the body moves and comes in and out and "talking" to people that aren't in the room and have been dead for 30 years. Just the ins and outs and up and downs. My family is so tight yet i thought there was going to be a cage match over an obituary in the next room were the dying laid. HELLO! It's odd how everyone is supporting but at the same time wanted to rip each others heads off. It's odd how everyone is secretly wishing and hoping that he will take his last breath and leave to where ever and stop suffering but no one says it. I asked a question that if God was a just God then why is Grandpa still suffering? I asked this not only to a Mon-Senior (higher then a Catholic Priest, can't spell) but to my great Uncle, and my grandpa's brother. And he said "faith." ??????????? Okay. Faith, well that's a whole other subject! "God's not ready for him." HUH???

But NE WAY,
Poetry in the dying. But i have never wanted someone to let go like that besides my dog. And i told her over and over again to let go.

GRANDPA LET GO!

On a good note i am still making everyone smile and laugh just cause that's who i am. But the funniest thing is when my Uncle, the higher then a Catholic Priest said that he was getting pissy and needed a beer. The look on my cousin and on Tabatha's face was the funniest face ever! It's not every day you hear that.

Till next time